Bah.. Life sucks

[Flyonthewall]

Not a good day at work...People suck and work sucks...Everybody sucks

Where is Charlotte? lol ..

that'd be nice eh? Walk out of the building after a f-'d up day at work and maybe run into her at the local coffee shop... or maybe at the grocery store.. oh well..

[I65]

Sorry you are having a bad day. Come here and give us a hug.

[Flyonthewall]

Thanks Ith...

was just watchin the music vid I put together... lol.. I can dream can't I?

I think its time to sit and watch LIT again after I put my boys to bed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGciMcpP-sM

[Picknick]

awww *hug*

charlotte will come, when you least expect it probably, but it'll happen

[kite]

lol I was just about to make a thread with the same title .
Though I was going to be serious about it.
Somehow, something is really missing in my life and if I don't find out what that is, soon, im going to lose my mind.

[Suntory]

We (ok maybe some or many of us) are the kinds of people who live lives of quiet desperation
as someone once said. We go to work everyday and go through the motions and to everyone else look like fine like them,
drones just going about our automated lives but in reality we are often
desperate and miserable and wishing for something different
and better and trying to figure out how to go about doing that
and trying to get the energy to do so when everyday life and the
work we do to live just drains and saturates us.

[kite]

true

[Flyonthewall]

We (ok maybe some or many of us) are the kinds of people who live lives of quiet desperation
as someone once said. We go to work everyday and go through the motions and to everyone else look like fine like them,
drones just going about our automated lives but in reality we are often
desperate and miserable and wishing for something different
and better and trying to figure out how to go about doing that
and trying to get the energy to do so when everyday life and the
work we do to live just drains and saturates us.

I couldnt agree more... Nice to know Im not alone I guess lol

and Kite, as they said in "Backdraft"... in regards to losing your mind..

"You go, we go.." lol..

[I65]

Damn, you guys need to pop some bubble wrap or something.

Smile already.

[jm]

"[quote:d95919e426="Ithildriel65"]Damn, you guys need to pop some bubble wrap or something.

Smile already. [/quote:d95919e426]
Like these damn kids know anything about having something to frown about anyway!"

[Pitman]

I'm with you guys. I think it's because we are probably more sensitive than most people (an appreciation of LiT is proof of that), and we can take things to heart very quickly. I know there's something missing in my life. I've been at the same job now for over 13 years. It's a desk job, very boring, but at the same time I do very much appreicate that I have a steady income. Things can always be so much worse. It's all relative and perception is what you compare what you have to other types of lifestyles. I know, sometimes I feel like a zombie...I should be starring in my own Pitman of the Dead movie...and I do feel like this daily routine has sucked the life out of me...that's when I feel that something is missing. I have many times truly believed I had found "my Charlotte" only to be dealt one of life's stiff lessons about impermanence. I can say I have not yet found the love of my life. And at my age, time is running out to find that one love which will open my heart anew and rejuvenate me. In fact, I have all but given up hope of ever finding this nebulous soul mate. It seemed the more I sought it, the further from it I would become.

More and more I am coming to the understanding that this "soul mate," this "Charlotte" we seek is nothing but our very own invisible soul which is ever before us, right under our noses, buried deep within, under all the billions of extraneous thoughts which circulate our beings. And to begin the journey to the heart of who we are, as spiritual beings, may indeed attract that "Charlotte" outside who is there to reflect our very own selves. Yes, I do believe it begins with the inner journey. No single person outside can ever give us what we have lost inside.

So, hey, I'm just here hanging out now. Attempting to shrug off negative perceptions of myself and my place in life. And at the same time, keeping open to what life has to offer. You just never know what is around that next corner!

[Flyonthewall]

Damn, you guys need to pop some bubble wrap or something.

Smile already.

there.. *snicker*

Oh yeah.. thanks for the bubble wrap suggestion.. that does make me feel better.. lol

And Pit.. I feel where yer comin from. I guess the best solution is to not seek "Charlotte" that hard and just let life happen. I just appreciate everyone's take on this thing and thanks.

[Suntory]

More and more I am coming to the understanding that this "soul mate," this "Charlotte" we seek is nothing but our very own invisible soul which is ever before us, right under our noses, buried deep within, under all the billions of extraneous thoughts which circulate our beings. And to begin the journey to the heart of who we are, as spiritual beings, may indeed attract that "Charlotte" outside who is there to reflect our very own selves. Yes, I do believe it begins with the inner journey. No single person outside can ever give us what we have lost inside.

It sounds like someone has been listening to "A Soul's Search".

The ideas you express are actually quite in line with eastern thought and spritual practice.
They teach that through spiritual practive such as meditation and yoga,
you can learn to get in touch with your inner self and the Self which is
your self's connection with everything else. I would suggest that if you
want to get in touch with you inner self to try some form of meditation
and take a class or get a teacher or guru or something.
From that once you are more relaxed and living in a more natural state,
a potential "Charlotte" might be attracted . . .

[52FM]

"More and more I am coming to the understanding that this "soul mate," this "Charlotte" we seek is nothing but our very own invisible soul which is ever before us, right under our noses, buried deep within, under all the billions of extraneous thoughts which circulate our beings. And to begin the journey to the heart of who we are, as spiritual beings, may indeed attract that "Charlotte" outside who is there to reflect our very own selves. Yes, I do believe it begins with the inner journey. No single person outside can ever give us what we have lost inside. "

VERY well said! To this I'd like to add: No single person outside can ever truly take away what we may have lost inside. It is always there - and it can sometimes be a VERY long process in redicovering it; and it can be very painful - and costly at times as we may lose friends that can't understand - and it may consume us for such long periods of time that things (like our jobs) may appear trivial and relatively unimportant.

All this has happened to me - and your messge that I read makes me want to vent a bit. It may sound like nonsense (and so JM you may want to quit reading right here ).

There simply are times in our lifes when we refelct on our aging - leaving certain important periods of life and entering new ones. As we enter aldulthood; as we marry and / or have children; as loved ones depart us; as children grow and move on.

It is difficult for any of us to get through that ourselves. And yet, it is a sad fact that often the person closest to us offers little help either. In fact, he/she may have been part of that conflict or feeling of being lost - even though he or she may really not know it.

But if we search withoin ourselves, I beleive we ultimately find the answer - or at least a path. We can also find help along the way (in communities such as this, or even from individuals we happen to reach out to.)

The key is to keep being true to yourself - even if you're still trying to discover what that truth really is. After over 50 years of life - I've discovered to my horror that I've allowed myself to be two different people (not in a schizo-type sense) but in a sense of trying to please people around me.) The reasons for this are unclear to me (hark back to childhood undoubtedly) and I suspect I'll eventually find out why. But ultimately - no matter what the reason and no matter how it continued through other people's actions - only I am responsible for my actions.

This doesn't mean I advocate telling off your boss, or telling off your spouse out of the blue; but it's unfair to allow that inner sense of who you are to be lost - ever. In the end, it's all we have.

I'm happy I've realized this while there is still time.

[Pitman]

One of the reasons why LiT had such an impact on me was that it reflected a deeply held sentiment about my feelings of this life, specifically how as I age, I realize more and more how I do not want this journey to end. When the movie came to an inevitable end, where Bob and Charlotte were forced to part ways, this evoked from within me the realization of how we all must part from this world, and how all loved ones must part from us sooner or later. I have known myself to cling to the things I am endeared to most. Certainly this is common human nature. Nevertheless, the more attached we are to a thing or a person, the greater the pain will be when the time finally comes to say farewell. Sooner or later, we are all forced to face our own mortality. As we breathe and live this life which is such a mysterious gift, how much have we taken it for granted? How much of our time has been spent on thoughts, emotions and actions which engender painful consequences? Is there a hidden bridge from the world of mortality to the infinite expanse of heaven's light? As we come to the twilight of this existence and bid adieu to all those who have made this journey what it is and what it was, will the end here translate to a new beginning over the rainbow?

Not even Houdini could return from the grave to give us an idea of what lies ahead. To some, this organic life is a one shot deal and when it's over, it's over - only oblivion awaits us. To others, ever faithful and hopeful there will be a portal through which we may carry our consciousnesses in tact that we may continue on this esoteric journey of soul.

What lies ahead in this world is a mystery. Even more so beyond it.

[tsooml]

Pitman, I agree about a soulmate. People who are searching for their soulmate seem to have put their lives on hold, until the magical moment when they meet the s. and all becomes sweetness and light. Bah humbug. I think "Titanic" is a good story where finding your soulmate means nothing more than finding what you were missing.

52FM,, I (JM) accept my reputation as an ogre, and I've talked myself into being happy with it. I would like a longer version of what you wrote to give a good reply. I can say now that I'm not sure that we "find a path," but often that time just passes and a problem loses its importance, or the un-solved-ness of it becomes hardened into something solid in our life.'

[52FM]

Hi JM!

Well, I'm not sure I'm up to the long version of the story, but I will say that there are many ways to go about these life reflection issues. I think it's very settling to look at this with your viewpoint - that time heals everything (and I'm not disagreeing). That all in all specific thoughts or worries or issues are never as critcal as they appear at the moment. And also that in the end one can live a very good life without caring as much about the "trees" and essenitally enjoying the forrest.

I tend to be introspective at times in my life - and really I've only fallen into this a handful of times (maybe 3 or 4 at most). I can't help it - in the end I feel that I need to do this (despite the problems it seems to cause in my life when I do it) becuase I feel unsettled if I don't.

It's taken me well over a year to get over this last one - and I seem to have at least another year to go before I feel it's over. A waste of time one coudl effectively argue - and I easily see that point of view. And yet within ME, I feel it's worth it. So it must be.

So what am I really saying? If I forgot about what I'm concerend with and just lived out my life, would it be "bad"? Looking at what is going on in the Middle East, and what is still happening in New Orleans, and what may come tomorrow if an earthquake happened somewhere, or if a terrorist attack occurred in my city - obviously my concerns would be relatively meaningless. So I can understand the point of you or anyone saying essentially "bah humbug". Why bother to find a higher sense of fulfillment? Is it REALLY that importan in the end?

An excellent viewpoint and I dont' disagree. The best I can say is that we are all different people - and what is important to one may not be to another. I do know that when I get out of this - I am going to live my life with a greater sense of fulfillment than I woudl have if I didn't care. OK - that maybe even sounds selfish - after all if I dropped dead tomorrow I put my wife through a large amount of conflict for essentially nothing.

And yet I can't help but feel I owe it to myself - and therefore to her - to feel truly content in life rather than having a gnawing feeling that somehow I've "given in" and I'm less than who I really feel I am.

Again - this is all lacking the specifics that woudl help it to make sense. But the short version is simple - I've become someone I am not in order to create a settled atmosphere between us. The sad thing is - it was wrong of me to do that - both for me and for her. As she begins to realize the truth in this, it makes her very sad. She had a lot to do with it, but ultimately the only thing I coudl ever control was me.

So now after 31 years of marriage, the quetion she wonders is "who is this man I married? How different IS he compared to the man I married?"

The answer we're discovering is - not different at all. It's just that over time I unnecessarily gave up pieces of me to avoid any and all confrontations - large and small, reall and imagined. It appeared I chenged - when in fact I didn't. We both feel horrible about it. We are now rediscovering ourselves and totally changing the dynamic of our marriage.

That she is willing to try and understand this (and beleive me - it's been VERY difficult and often frustrating and often very confrontational) shows a real love she has for me.

I hold out hope that she will eventually come to accept it all - without concessions on my part. We seem to be getting there - but there are many things that we're not close on. One thing for example is internet discussions - she still holds fast to her feeling that it ultimately is harmful for people to express feelings like this in a discussion board. Technically, she woudl object to my discussiong this here - but I subscribe to the theory that this is merely me putting my thoughts down on electronic paper.

Anyway - this may be all TMI - yet it is how I feel and I'm convinced our marriage will be better off from my doing this than not.

[tsooml]

"Well, I don't know how I became the anti-introspectator and anti-thought guy

But I wish the best for you and your good lady wife."

[52FM]

Thanks for the well wishes. The deeper we get into this, the worse it seems to be. But we've almost gone too far to turn back - in my mind at least. I mean, we're actually coming to discussions of who we really are (as if that question can ever be answered without doubt) and then whether we really can live happily with each other given who we are.

The alternative looks so appealing - simply saying "it's not worth this effort and pain" and try to carve out a peaceful existence together. My wife says : NO ONE does this. NO ONE thinks this deep. NO ONE cares that much. NO ONE woudl give up their whole life just essentially to make a point."

I know she is right, at least in the way she is thinking of it. We are now not talking much to each other until the next counseling session. It's gotten to the point where I am outright MEAN to her - very wrong. But underneath it all I realize she simply cannot accept who I am and I resent it greatly.

And she has said several times that she feels the introspective way I am - and the fact I have no objection to talking online in forums like this or in PMs - is simply wrong and unhealthy. No room for compromises - no room for a differing opinion. And she's gone and told several people about my thoughts in order to get other opinions - and they all agree with her (at least the way SHE presents it).

I've been out of work for four weeks now, but recently found another job that I am excited about with my former company. However, I found out that I lost a promising lead in another company due to my "online actions". It seems one of the people she told repeated that to her sister - from whom I thought I had a contact into her company. She advised her apparently to stay away from me since I clearly have some serious issues.

My wonderfully "supportive" wife (sarcasm) was convinced I'd never get the job I actually got (and wanted) since the whole company probably knows about my "serious issues". However. the senior VP said he didnt' even consider anyone else for the job - but it just took several weeks to get it all worked out. My wife holds firm to her belief that my "issues" will lead to trouble - and that in effect I'm entering this job on "probation".

This is a woman who many years ago - after I scored very well in a graduate exam and wass recruited for an MBA progam at a prestigious university - said "you need to be knocked down a few pegs." Which in my mind she spent a great deal of time doing - and is doing again even though she denies it.

OK - sorry to vent so much. It can be cathartic - as my counsleor said - though it is sick and wrong according to my wife.

Better to talk to someone in person I guess, and then have that person wreck a chance for your husband to get a good job. Yeah, that makes sense. Why vent in near annominity when you can do some real damage in "real life"?

[tsooml]

Why not just get out?